We love Wired Magazine. Sure sometimes you feel like you’re reading Maxim for geeks, but the quality of the writing stands out from the rest. On the cover for the next issue (which hits stands on July 21st) is Brad Pitt, who if you haven’t heard is in a highly anticipated Tarantino movie (aren’t they all?) set to release this summer. Pitt approached the magazine with an idea about giving extremely bad advice on tech etiquette to its readers, and since he’s married to Gia, they couldn’t really say no.
“How to Behave: New Rules for Highly Evolved Humans, a Scientific approach to 21st-Century Predicaments” is a hilarious collection of spoof advice, and sounds like it’s straight from the mind of Tyler Durden. With some great photos by Dan Winters and illustrations by Jason Lee, it’s not only a fantastic read, but a clever way to promote a film.
READ MORE for all the “tips” offered by Brad Pitt, or pick up your copy of Wired next week.
Our Rock Band bassist sucks. Am I a total jerk if I kick him out?
Who cares? You shred, he doesn’t. Fire his ass. Bonus: It’ll put the others on notice. Anyone who doesn’t keep up can hit the road. Even if that means firing the whole band. Remember: All great artists go solo eventually. Just think of Ronnie James Frickin’ Dio.
Can I answer my cell during a movie if it seems urgent?
Never. It may be a brief interruption—just a few seconds—but what if someone sitting near you is trying to make a decent bootleg? Did you ever think of that? Now all those street-corner copies are permanently defiled by your so-called “emergency.” Don’t be so damn selfish.
Is it OK to look at pornography at work?
Don’t just look at it at work, bring in your old porn mags and scan them there! It’s like converting your vinyl to MP3s. Fill up your hard drive, and when you need a break from spreadsheets, just open a favorite pictorial.
Should I ask my World of Warcraft wife if she’s really a dude?
Absolutely not. If it’s good, don’t check under the hood. I say, love her with everything you’ve got. I mean, she’s your wife, man!
I want to post a picture of my wife’s butt on twitter a la Ashton Kutcher. Do I need to ask her first, or can I snap, post, and hope she’ll be flattered?
Don’t take a picture of your wife’s butt. That’s silly. Take pictures of other people’s wives’ butts.
I exaggerated my salary on my online dating profile. Should I fess up?
Hell no. Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.
Can I talk on the phone while taking a whiz?
No, you can’t talk on the phone! Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation? That’s why you should only text in the bathroom. Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don’t want those followers.
Jared says: 
trolomax 
Phil 
Max 
KGB 
Tim 
Dorinda Streczywilk 
